Everybody has a history, a back catalogue. It’s a fact, it’s no surprise that we all have a history.
Whether you are of an age where all your crazy stuff was done before the advent of Facebook or you have been followed throughout your adult life from personal and amateur paparazzi (everyone has a camera phone now), there tends to be evidence for everything and anything small or large.
Why then do people still uncover salacious gossip or stories that have been hidden for years, never shared or described in public until either the papers or a money grabbing mongrel ex friend decides they need cash more than they need your friendship?
Sadly there is a great deal of this in the press at the moment, from sporting coaching, priests and vicars, bosses through to celebrities all abusing power and position. The safeguarding steps that are taken today by all sports, education and business weren’t there 20-30 years ago and much went by unchecked and unchallenged.
I am reminded of Brian Moore’s (former England Rugby Union Hooker and current BBC rugby commentator) book. When his book came out there were some skeletons in there that he shared. Why? When then, why at that particular time did he decide to share with the world a very unpleasant story of abuse of trust and position? Was it just to sell more copies and grab some headlines or was there another reason behind the timing?
There is a theory here – at the time of publishing Brian was now at a similar age to that of his perpetrator at the time of the abuse – it’s as simple as that. Being the same age as the abuser triggered the reality check button, it clearly wasn’t on his radar to follow that same pattern of the abuser. He was now able to evaluate what happened through different eyes, no longer those of the innocent victim that has perhaps dealt with or buried the experience in his mind.
Honestly I have not discussed this personally with Brian so this is a considered reflection of an ugly experience – it does bring a different reason as to why so many stories come out 20-40 years after the fact rather than at the time. Of course I am not challenging the fact that a young person will at the time of an incident find it very difficult for so many documented reasons to stand out and speak up, let alone be heard.
Currently there are a great many stories surfacing surrounding football with current and former players describing everything from 1:1 naked rubdowns after a game through to child abuse. Clearly this has to be eradicated from society and all checks and balances put in place to make sure it cannot and does not happen again.
We all have skeletons, we all have a history – dealing with and managing the positive and the negative back catalogue of stories in our heads is something we generally need help and support with. I am not saying we all need a shrink and a sofa to lie down on so we can talk. Asking for help is that age old problem – we see it as weakness, be that coming from a high intensity testosterone filled sport or a more cerebral mental challenge, our ability to ask for help is in the main very poor.
How good are you at asking for help? How good is your PowerTeam around you enabling you to get the right help for whatever faces you today. It is my firm belief, and one that is proven by medical research, that depression and associated illnesses are exacerbated by that feeling of isolation and loneliness, something that can hit a retiring or retired sportsperson like a ton of bricks when they hang up their boots, spikes or darts. If you need help managing your past and finding your direction for the future, get a PowerTeam around you fit for the way ahead. I can help!